Friday, May 4, 2018

Bizarre Books: "English As She Is Spoke"

If you ever saw the classic Monty Python sketch about a bizarre Hungarian phrasebook, then you might have an idea of the comedy that can come from a badly translated English phrase. In modern times, the Internet has brought Japanese culture and its bad translations of "Engrish" to a whole new audience, but before all of them, there was English As She Is Spoke.

In 1883, an obscure author named Pedro Carolino published a small Portuguese-to-English phrasebook titled English as She Is Spoke. Though it was intended for Portuguese speakers, it quickly gained an international audience for its bizarre English phrases. It seems that Carolino spoke little to no English himself but did know French. As a result, it's believed he used a Portuguese-to-French dictionary to translate his phrases into French, then used a French-to-English dictionary to produce an English translation. The result was a lot like running English through Google Translate, and made unintentionally hilarious results.

Here are some of the more famous examples:
The walls have hearsay. = As paredes têm ouvidos ("The walls have ears")
That not says a word, consent. = Quem cala consente ("Silence is consent")
What do him? = Que faz ele? ("What does he do? / What is he doing?")
That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing. = Este lago parece-me bem piscoso. Vamos pescar para nos divertirmos. ("This lake looks full of fish. Let's have some fun fishing.")
These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in mouth.  = ??? ("These apricots and peaches make my mouth water.")
Ever since the 19th Century, many hours were wiled away with the book being passed around and read out loud to howls of laughter. Author Mark Twain himself wrote the introduction for the first U.S. English edition, and said, "Nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect."

The book is available online in full at Project Gutenberg, and it sure lives up to its reputation.

Related Posts:
Bizarre Books: The Pop-Up Book of Phobias
Bizarre Books: Six-Gun Gorilla
Bizarre Books: How to Avoid Huge Ships

You only know half the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Prepare to see literature's greatest monsters in a whole new light with Hyde!

Saturday, April 28, 2018

"Blindsight" by Peter Watts [Review]

Blindsight (Firefall, #1)Blindsight by Peter Watts
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When I first read this book, I liked it a lot. I also thought I understood it. I had a few nagging questions, but I thought those were easily dismissed in favor of a larger story. I read the book again to clear up those questions, and I was even more confused. I also discovered plot threads that had come up earlier that were never addressed and parts where I thought something had happened that really didn't. I know some people argue this book improves on further reading, but I had the opposite experience. I thought the novel got worse on the second reading.

Friday, March 9, 2018

New Release: "Enter the Nexus" - Book 1 of the Nexus Trilogy

Today is the official release of my next novel, the first in a trilogy that will be released throughout 2018. Called Enter the Nexus, here's the cover and synopsis.
Shy librarian Brenda Martinez, tough cop Jack Taylor, arrogant businessman Wallace Carrington, and geeky teen girl Moonbeam Zhang were just living their lives until they were suddenly teleported onto a mysterious world. Facing terrifying monsters and bizarre aliens, they quickly discover they've been caught up in a strange experiment and the only way home is to go through a maze that crosses thousands of planets throughout the Galaxy. They'll have to work together to survive and uncover the secrets of the NEXUS.
Click here to buy your copy at Amazon.
You can check other online bookstores like Apple and Nook at Books2Read.

Stay tuned for more information on Heart of the Nexus (Book 2) and Fall of the Nexus (Book 3) in the Nexus Trilogy!

Already released:
You only know half the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Prepare to see literature's greatest monsters in a whole new light with Hyde!

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Cover Release: "Enter the Nexus" - Book 1


On Friday, my next novel Enter the Nexus will be released. It's the first in the Nexus Trilogy, an epic adventure that I'll be releasing every three months this year, starting on March 9, 2018. I'll have more details on Friday but check out the cover!

What do you think?

You only know half the story of Jekyll and Hyde. Prepare to see literature's greatest monsters in a whole new light with Hyde!

Sunday, March 4, 2018

China Has the Most Beautiful and Horrible Library in the World

In 2017, China unveiled a library that captured the imagination of the entire world as what was called the ultimate library.

The Tianjin Binhai Library was designed by Dutch design firm MVRDV, working with local architects from the Tianjin Urban Planning and Design Institute. It was completed in only three years and stands five stories with more than 36,000 square feet.

The really impressive part is the atrium. Designed to look like a gigantic eye, the main area looks like it has bookshelves that run from the floor to the ceiling.


That's where the problems start.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

"Hyde" is Now Available on Apple and Other Formats


If you've been wanting to read Hyde but you don't buy books through Amazon, I have good news. You can now find Hyde through Apple, Nook or other book services by checking out this Books2Read Universal Link to purchase it through other stores. Paperback is coming soon!

Of course, you can still get Hyde on Amazon as well.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Sci-Fi Legend Ursula Le Guin is Dead at 88

Ursula Le Guin, one of my favorite authors, has passed away.

Ursula Kroeber Le Guin* worked mainly in the genres of fantasy and science fiction, but she also wrote children's books, short stories, poetry, and essays. She started in the 1960s when women sci-fi and fantasy writers were rarely published. and her work often depicted futuristic or imaginary alternative worlds in politics, the natural environment, gender, religion, sexuality, and ethnography. The New York Times described her in 2016 as "America's greatest living science fiction writer", but she said that she would be known as an "American novelist."

Sunday, January 14, 2018

"Pirate Cinema" by Cory Doctorow [Review]

Pirate CinemaPirate Cinema by Cory Doctorow
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

If you read the book's description, Pirate Cinema is about the media conglomerates and their abusive approach to copyright infringement. Yet most of the novel is really about how "great" it is to be homeless.

In a near future, Trent McCauley is a teenager in a small British town obsessed with remixing existing films into new movies. When he's caught using films illegally, the punishment is to cut off the Internet in his home for a year. In a world where the Internet is used for everything from medical treatment to supporting his family's only source of income, the loss of web access is a devastating fate. Riddled with guilt, McCauley leaves for London, where he gets involved with an underground community. His frustration with an even more restrictive Internet hacking bill leads him to become an unlikely spokesperson for the movement, and his movies become a powerful form of protest. Will Trent ever reunite with his family? Can Trent stay out of prison? Will he bring freedom back to Great Britain and the world? These and more questions drive the novel, along with his love of an anarchist girl named 26.

Monday, November 20, 2017

14 Ways Reading Improves Your Mind and Body

If you're here, you probably love reading, but did you know it's good for you, too? The Expert Editor created this massive infographic that breaks down 14 different ways your brain and body are improved every time you snuggle up with your favorite book.

"My name is Timothy McGill, and I'm a time travel addict..." Time Junkie, now available in paperback and ebook formats!
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